I Quit

I think best while bathing, here I am in Henry's Lake, Idaho.

Last week I announced that I would become the Great Dominant Male of this country. It was a very important decision for me to make. I learned that I had to be in a contest with others to become the "President" as humans say. Since then, I learned that it took more than winning a humping contest to become President.

One of the only good things in the dog-fight is meeting some nice humans.

In fact, from what Dad says, it is more like a dog-fight than a humping contest. I've never liked to fight other dogs. It's too cruel and I'm too aristocratic for that behavior. After all, my real name is Reginald, with "Reggie" for short. That means "King" and demands certain dignified behavior. Besides, my age is advancing and I probably would have no patience with all the little fights you must continually have to stay a good President.

Then, I started hearing of humans saying, "If Reggie becomes President, this country will go to the dogs." Now that's OK with me, but Dad said it was a bad thing to say about me. I also heard humans say "Reggie doesn't have the brains of even our current President" That was offensive to me and millions of other dogs! I heard that one of the packs in this election would do things to me like report every time I lick or hump a female dog. What does that have to do with my ability to make great dog decisions for this country? One of the female contestants was heard to say, "He has no experience. He is a Golden Retriever and I've never seen him bring a bird home in all my hunting days." (I'll match my experience with hers any day!) I also heard that my real mother would be called a "bitch" in public and my real Dad's heritage would be questioned. I found out that my finances would be public knowledge. Now that's OK, I mean what harm can it be for people to know that I own a bag of dry dog food, a few old leashes, 3 ragged tennis balls, a shredded rag doll, and a few stale treats that I've hidden in various spots inside the RV.

Casey's Mom and Dad were happy with my decision. They didn't want her to live in Wash. D.C.

To top it off, people would make nasty comments about Casey, my Vice Presidential selection. She's doesn't belong to an organized pack that believe in a higher form of Dog and Dad says that would be a real bummer for me. Doesn't it matter that she loves this country, poops regularly, never tears up the furniture and is loyal to her human parents? I guess that doesn't count in such human contests.

Casey wasn't sure she was happy with my decision. She would wanted the power to help.

One of the contestants in the dog fight is named McCain. Since my announcement his people have been sending me email and telling me if I'd quit they would provide me with free dog food for life. Others in his pack have emailed me that a dog could never be a good President and I should give it up. Another email threatened to take my laptop computer away from me. Another contestant is called Obama. His people have emailed me and told me that if I'd quit running they'd name an important statue after me. One that dogs from all over the country could proudly lift their leg under.

Now, I'm not accustomed to conflict. I like a calm and peaceful life. It has become painfully obvious that being the Great Dominant Male in this country would not permit that type of lifestyle. I went to nearby Henry's Lake this week and bathed. It's during these times that I do my best thinking (the other is when I squat and poop, but that's too short a time for this kind of decision.) I came to the conclusion while at the lake that although this country will suffer, I couldn't follow through with the dog-fight and in the end feel good about myself. In fact, it's hard to figure out how any human could do that and feel good, even if they win.

I will keep my dignity and avoid the dog-fight!

Instead I will instruct all of my followers (and remember that there are 30 million dogs in this country) to convince their human owners to vote for the candidate that will work for the common and poor dogs, not just the fortunate dog. Vote for the human that will take us out of wars and keep us out, vote for the human that will make sure dogs and cats are treated with dignity and vote for the human that will make sure my human parents will be cared for when they are sick and old. Which ever human in the dog-fight will do this, please vote for him. I will make sure my Mom and Dad will do the same.

My cat friends were not happy with my decisions. I made many promises. Sorry!

For me, I plan to continue my daily naps, my regular poops and my browsing of the doggie blogs. If called to return to the dog-fight, I will refuse to do so. My doggie dignity is worth more than all the fancy dog houses and good treats that humans can tempt me with. So, watch here for more of my musings, my adventures and my travels, but don't expect me to take care of you in the future. You'll have to see to your own happiness.

Clowns are responsible for their own happiness. You'll have to do it without me!

Oh, I might take Mr. Obama's offer of that statue. But it didn't influence my decision. (Don't tell him that.) I definitely will turn down the dog food offer. I'm very sensitive to what I eat and I wouldn't trust Mr. McCain to choose what I eat.

I'm happy now without the responsibility of the "Presidency".

Arf

Reggie, the RV Dog (again)